Note to Self #5

Never use misguided optimism when parking a minivan. 

For example, "I probably won't fit, but maybe I'm wrong!" can end up looking like this ...

Apparently, the laws of physics don't care if you're late picking up someone from the airport.

(Again, reeeeeeeeeally sorry Honey!)

Notice the super awesome job I did getting TWO body parts instead of just one? 

Even the police officer who filled out the damage report was impressed.

"Go big or go home," right?

How about, "Just go early you nimrod so you can take your time finding a bigger parking spot ... "

Note to Self #4

CENSOR the lyrics of a song that gets stuck in your head after listening to a 90s radio station - like “You’re Makin’ Me High” by Toni Braxton - before absentmindedly singing it in the kitchen while preparing lunch for your daughters. 

I don’t know all the words, but apparently know the first seven lines well enough to confuse the heck out of my 9 year old … !

Note to Self #3

A fresh application of this ...

immediately followed by a few (ok, several) of these ...

equals ... embarrassing!

"Uh, Ma'am? You should go check a mirror."

Note to Self #2

You know you’re in Palm Springs, California when you turn on the tv and the first thing you hear is:

“ATTENTION CATHETER USERS!”

Talk about target marketing!  If you’re not familiar with Palm Springs, it’s basically a desert haven for wealthy, retired people who like to golf.  Emphasis on the word retired.

By the way, coming up with a photo for this post was tricky.  Having no rubber tubing on hand, my only ideas were this handle or a small puddle of yellow-colored water on the white bathroom floor tiles ...

... you're welcome.

Note to Self #1

Every now and then, I'll be sharing little pearls of wisdom - sometimes funny things, often things resulting from my forgetfullness, bad judgement, laziness, absentmindedness, etc.  My goal is to help you avoid the same mistakes.  And/or to make you smile.

Here's the first installment.  Read, learn and enjoy.

Don’t:

• ask your daughter to pick out her favorite fabric from your sewing room stash ("Oh no reason, Sweetheart.  Just curious.")
• wait until she’s at school to start making her a birthday gift
• smugly hide the evidence before she comes home, but then
• forget to dispose of the scraps in the garbage can

Because when said short person notices the remnants you WILL be asked:  "Mommy, what are you making with my fabric?"

Parenthood requires you to be good at a lot of things - like thinking on your feet, remaining calm under pressure ... and lying.